


Bad Ideas

by taitofan



Series: Saikiiboumami Hell [5]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Consent, Eggs don't go there, Fluff and Smut, M/M, No Sex, Size Queen Kokichi, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-23
Updated: 2017-01-23
Packaged: 2018-09-19 09:32:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9432953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taitofan/pseuds/taitofan
Summary: Shuuichi didn’t know where Kokichi found alcohol, but he did know one very important thing: his boyfriend got some strange ideas when he was drunk.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place after Ride, my other Oumasai fic. You don't have to read it, but it explains how the two got together. It also has actual sex instead of just a lot of talk about it and weird kinks.
> 
> Don't misuse eggs boys and girls. That is not their intended purpose.

He didn’t know where in the world Kokichi had managed to find alcohol, but Shuuichi swore— _never again_.

“Ouma, please try to think about this.  How would we get them out?  That would be extremely unsafe.”

Kokichi—sloshed out of his mind—giggled as if that were the funniest thing he’d ever heard.

“Sai-ha-ra,” he crooned, drawing out each syllable for far too long, “are you worried about me?  You shouldn’t!  I’m the Ultimate Supreme Leader.  I can do _anything_!”

“You _cannot_ get boiled eggs out of your rectum,” he admonished, a frown on his face.  He honestly didn’t know why he was trying to reason with his drunk boyfriend, but he felt it his duty to try.  “That’s _dangerous_.  You can’t put foreign objects inside your orifices without a plan to get them back out.”

God help him, Kokichi crossed his arms and _pouted_.  Shuuichi was surprised he didn’t stomp his foot on the ground just to complete this perfect little picture of a temper tantrum.

“ _I don’t care_.  I’ll be fine!  I just want to see how many I can take.  I bet I can fit at least seven!”

Shuuichi sighed, wondering why it always had to be _him_ to be the goddamn voice of reason.

“Ouma, listen to me.  _Any_ amount of eggs is too many eggs.  I’m not going to help you, and if you try to do this on your own, I’ll stop you by any means necessary.”

“Because you’re mean!”

“ _Because I care about your wellbeing_ ,” he stressed, hoping whoever supplied the alcohol would face swift justice.  “This is a foolish plan that will only lead to you being seriously injured when you can’t get the egg out.  I’m sorry if not wanting my boyfriend to get hurt makes me _mean_.”

Kokichi’s face fell, and Shuuichi felt a wave of guilt wash over him.  Had he gone too far?  He’d never had to deal with a drunk person before, let alone one he was dating.  It wasn’t like this was the first time they’d argued about one of Kokichi’s bad ideas.  But distasteful pranks and inappropriate comments to Kiibo weren’t quite on the same level as _this_.  Besides, in those cases he just had to give Kokichi Panta and kisses to distract him and make him happy, not allow him to shove eggs up his ass.

“Saihara is so mean!” Kokichi wailed, his eyes filling up with tears.  Dammit, Shuuichi thought, they looked _real_ too.  “Why won’t you let me have any fun?”

He took it all back.  He didn’t feel an ounce of guilt.  Fun.  With _eggs_.  What in the world was wrong with—

An unbidden image sprang to Shuuichi’s mind—Kokichi laying naked on his bed, a string of large anal beads within him, moaning and drooling and begging for _more_.

He took a shaky breath, his face heating up and his cock twitching.  He’d never really thought about Kokichi being a size queen before, but he sure as hell was _now_.  Apparently, dating Kokichi was turning him into a pervert.

Or, at least, making him less likely to repress his fantasies.

“How about this?  When you sober up, we’ll look for something safe to use, okay?  I’ll help you, as long as I know we’ll be able to remove it.”  Crazy things seemed to pop up in the love hotel, and alcohol had appeared seemingly out of thin air, so maybe sex toys weren’t out of the question.  “I want to experience all kinds of things with you, but I won’t be able to do that if you’re injured.”

Kokichi’s crying stopped, but unlike when he faked it, his eyes were still watery and his nose was dripping.  But now his eyes lit up and he beamed as if he’d just won the lottery.

“Really?  You promise?”

“Yes, I promise that if you still want to this when you aren’t drunk, I’ll help you.”  He prayed Kokichi would sober up quickly.  “But until that happens, why don’t you just lie down and try to—”

“I have the best boyfriend!” Kokichi giggled and launched himself at Shuuichi, and he knew that his drunk boyfriend would not be sleeping any time soon.  “Saihara, if we can’t use the eggs, you should stick something else up my butt!”

Shuuichi shook his head and guided Kokichi to his bed, pulling them both up and holding Kokichi close.  Kokichi looked confused—probably about why they were still clothed.

“No sex while you’re drunk,” Shuuichi explained, pressing a kiss to the top of his bewildered boyfriend’s head.  “Even if we’re in a relationship, your judgment is impaired.  I won’t risk taking advantage of you.”

He expected Kokichi to protest.  After all, it wasn’t as if they hadn’t already had sex.  Multiple times.  He was pleasantly surprised when Kokichi’s confusion melted into a smile and he nuzzled closer to Shuuichi.

“Shuuichi really is the best boyfriend,” he murmured, burying his face in Shuuichi’s chest.

Shuuichi laughed softly and contented himself with cuddling for the night.  Moments like these made all of the nonsense worth it.

…Though he wished his cock would stop thinking about Kokichi with his ass stuffed.  That would certainly be nice.


End file.
